A Model of Influence for Life

Our first issue of the newsletter launched a few weeks ago, and we were pleasantly surprised by comments and feedback. Thank you so much for all your supportive comments and feedback!

We're still figuring out how to create good content for you that can help you live a life of greater influence. I believe it will only get better over time.

A little D4 trivia for you: Micah and Mike share June 6 as a special date. It was Micah's birthday, and Mike's wedding anniversary - celebrating his 25th this year. Congrats, Mike and Lesley!

June was also the month for Father's Day. I know it can be a tough day for many people. But for me, it is always a time to remember how blessed I am. Here's my dad, Pat Ray, and me a couple of weeks ago.

There's not enough room in a newsletter to tell you what a positive influence my dad has been in my life. I owe so much of who I am to him and what he has taught me.

I remember countless times where he taught me about the practical things in life - like how to work in the yard, how to grow a garden, how to work on a car. (I still regret selling the ‘67 Camaro…what was I thinking? Maybe one day I’ll be able to own another one.)

He showed me that I was important to him by showing up at all my games in high school - even when I rode the bench.

My dad taught me how to have respect for people. He taught me to remember that I had the ability to think for myself. He taught me not to take anything for granted, and that my talent was a gift to be stewarded.

More importantly, he modeled it for me. He was a model of influence.

It's like he knew I was always watching him. I saw how he treated my mother with respect. I saw how he treated everyone with respect and kindness - even people who didn't treat him that way. I saw how he worked with me and my sister to teach us and to discipline us, to guide us into healthy ways of living.

So thanks, Dad. This month, I honor you for your influence in my life to help become who I am today.

The Influence Model Tool

When I say "influence", depending on your experiences, you may think "manipulate" or "coerce". Or you may think it is all about getting other people to follow your orders or share your opinion.

But influence is so much more than that.

Influence - What does it look like? What does it mean?

Here’s a definition from Merriam-Webster’s dictionary.

Influence is all about indirectly causing an effect, usually to accomplish a goal, and without an apparent exertion of force. If you think about influence in the context of a team or organization, it's about helping someone achieve more and to become more so that the whole organization wins.

To do so well and without harming our relationships, we must find a way to make it less about a transaction and more about true relationship.

Look at the visual tool below called "The Influence Model".

Let's focus on one key element for the sake of this newsletter. Imagine yourself on the left side of the tool, and the person you are working with will be on the right side.

Look at the four C's that are key in establishing trust and a healthy model of influence with another person.

Character. The set of attributes and features that make up and distinguish a person - that’s their character. It is formed over time and through experience. It guides a person’s decision-making and interaction with the rest of the world.

Chemistry. This is all about having a harmonious and effective interaction with another person. It is about establishing rapport, finding things in common and having empathy for their situation.

Competence. When a person has sufficient knowledge, skill, judgment or strength to do a task, that’s competence. This category is more about technical or soft skills and expertise.

Credibility. This is the quality or power of inspiring belief. This is when you believe someone because they have proven themselves reliable. They do what they say.

To earn trust (and to give trust), you must have all four of the C's at work.

Without one of them, total trust will be difficult to achieve.

With all of them, your relationships will go to a new level.

Now that you've learned key elements of the tool, let's think about application.

Pro Tip: If you'd like to get training videos and exercises on The Influence Model and other leadership tools like it, sign up for a free trial of our training platform here. Or purchase a subscription for only $10/month, and get access to over 26 courses. Sign up here.

Leading Yourself

Take an evaluation of yourself, and decide which of the 4 C's needs some work in your life. Most people find one of the C's easier than the others. Usually this depends on your foundational Voice.

For instance, Connectors find it easy to lead with Chemistry. They naturally ask a person questions about themselves that help establish a connection through chemistry with the other person.

Someone who leads with Guardian will be most likely to start a conversation evaluating the other person's Competency.

Note: If you've never taken the 5 Voices assessment, you can do so here for free. And when you do so, you'll also have access to a GiANT training account with access to free content.

Now think about the people in your life. With whom do you need to establish more trust?

• Your boss

• Your spouse

• A friend that you're not so close to anymore

• A new neighbor

• One of your children

Have you been treating the relationship like a set of transactions? If we're not careful, it is easy to fall into the transaction mentality - that if we do something for them, we can expect something back from them. Focus instead on what you can do to improve their lives. Focus on giving and serving with no regard for what you will get back.

Overcome your own areas of self-preservation. Where have you put up walls to try to preserve yourself? Are you afraid of something? Identify what you fear, and find ways to get past it.

When you start to use the 4 C's to build trust and tear down the walls of self-preservation, you'll be on your way to healthy and meaningful relationships.

Leading Your Team

If you have team members struggling with lack of trust or shallow relationships, help them figure out which “C” is missing. Walk them through the steps above in the "Lead Yourself" section.

For a practical solution, make this a short exercise at your next staff meeting.

• Teach the 4 C's during a segment of your meeting. Use the visual tool to walk them through the way the 4 C's can help build trust with another person.

• Ask which "C" comes most natural to them.

• Ask which "C" is the most difficult for them.

• On a scale of 1 to 10, what do they feel is the level of trust among the team?

You could also use this tool during a one-on-one conversation with a staff member. Decide which "C" you want to work on with the staff member, and focus on it for a month. Take your relationships with your staff to a deeper level of trust by modeling it for each of them.

Teams that trust each other always perform better together.

Leading Your Organization

To really create a positive culture of trust and strong relationships, senior leaders must find ways to teach and model the behavior they want to see in the organization. This will require conscious, intentional effort.

I remember a time when we were leading an organization through communication training for a large group. In the group was the COO. She was there to learn, but she also was committed to seeing her team break down barriers that were holding them back.

As we came to a particular part of one of the workshops, I remember that she spoke up to answer a discussion question. When she began to speak, everyone got quiet to hear what she would say. They were listening closely to what she said -- and how she said it. Because she was that kind of leader.

When she spoke, she started on a personal note. She shared what her tendencies were, and some things she struggled with. As she did, it was apparent that people around the room felt more open to share their own struggles, sensing this was a safe space. The amount of trust among the team suddenly went up a few more levels.

Fast forward a few weeks, and the entire team was communicating on a new level with much less drama and conflict than ever before.

And it started with a simple act of building trust.

At your next staff meeting of your senior leaders, lead a discussion about The Influence Model and the 4 C's that are key to building trust.

Use the discussion questions above for a staff meeting to get your leadership team talking. Ask each leader to commit to leading their teams to understand and use The Influence Model. As go the leaders, so goes the organization.

News & Updates

We spent three 3 days this month doing strategic planning workshops and training with Holbrook & Associates, Pursley Dixon Architecture and McKee Homes.

Each of these companies is working hard to create great strategies and plans for how they can satisfy their customers and develop great teams and culture. We're proud of the time they invest in working ON their business - not just IN their business.

(If you'd like to learn more about a Breakthrough Strategy Workshop or Transforming Team Communication workshops for your organization, reach out to schedule a call with Mike.)

Final Thoughts

All these years later, I still remember those moments when my dad influenced me.

Years from now, when you look back across your life, what story will people tell of you?

Will they remember you for just reacting to everything around you?

Or will they be able to say that you were intentional in how influenced them? Will they say that you modeled good influence for them?

No matter what your past has been like, you can choose differently today. You still have time to learn and to be intentional in stewarding your influence.

Use the Influence Model and focus on the 4 C's so that you can be a greater influence on your family, your community and your team.

We titled this newsletter "Greater Influence" because this is a personal goal for us - to be a greater influence for good in our world and for the people in it.

It is also our goal for each of you - that you will work to find your purpose, and then to begin the process of growing into a better version of yourself. And as you do, we hope you will become a greater influence on the people in your life.

Enjoy your Fourth of July holiday!

Micah Ray

D4Concepts.com